This is a hard post for me to write son. To be completely honest with you, the words and feelings are still so raw. I don’t know if anyone who is reading this will understand each of these words. For me this message is different from so many that I write. Learn from what has happened in your life, let each moment guide you to something better. For me as I reflect on the pain that I am feeling, I am reminded of other moments in my life that have had the same outcome. Repeated mistakes that keep bringing me back to the same moment.
If you want your world to be different you need to do something different
To change your world you have to change. Life repeats itself son, if you don’t learn from what has happened somehow life can repeat itself. Yesterday I felt like my life was on replay when the reality of losing Mia (our feathered family member) finally hit home. As I ran through the outcome in my head, I couldn’t stop seeing other moments like this. Almost the exact steps that lead to losing our family cat of 17 years Shyla. I hope that I have finally learnt to look for the reason why things have happened, not at the surface, but at its core.
Identify the reason things have happened son.
For me son, I have realised that I have failed, and that I am ultimately responsible. For things to change I need to change.
In these moments my mistake in life seems to be the same. The inability to see others, and prioritise my life. It is the key issue at the root of all of my problems.
You see son, Mia and Shyla are part of our family. Probably one of the most important parts of my world. In the moments before their loss I missed every sign that could have saved their life. In these moments I was tied up in my own head, in my own world without seeing the problems that were right in front of me. This is a mistake I can see in so many moments in my life.
As I read the words from Mama’s recent post Get Back Up, I keep returning to how this mistake has repeated itself.
There is a sliver lining in this post son, I will get to it later. But I think the message here is important.
Life turned upside down
To say our life has been turned upside down would be an understatement. Through it all though I have had so many thoughts. Thoughts of things that I am thankful for, the friend who took us in when we lost our home, the friend who gave me their truck so we had a vehicle and ultimately, that we are all safe. My mind also flips to all that has happened, and what we have been through. It’s hard to not be a little overwhelmed by it all.
I recently had to see the doctor for a strain in my back. When I spoke to her she asked me how things were as the injury I had could sometimes be related to stress. When I listed everything that had happened she wanted to immediately put me on sick leave as she believed this was the key issue to the pain. Her words were, “These are big things, massive life events, I don’t know how you are holding it together so well.”
But there is always a reason why we hold our life together. I will show you mine below.
Keep your focus on what matters
It is so important son to keep your mind on what matters. To keep your mind on what is important.
See the people in your life, see your family son, furry, feathered, loved ones. When I say see them I mean for who they are and what they mean to you. Life will throw you about, turn you upside down sometimes. But in each moment it is so important to remember what means the most to you.
It is the people all around you, it is our world. For me this has been my mistake. To not see you, to not see Mama, to not see our furry friends. In all of these moments, I lose.
This is the mistake that I have to learn from. So I am letting you know son, that I see you. Everything about you that is special to me, from how you were brought into this world Rakeiora, Haeata, to how you mean the world to me. You are never a pain son, you are the greatest investment in my life.
Remember what is important in your world son. Focus on what matters.
Trading moments for money
Sometimes my boys life gets in the way. As we pick the path that our life will take, the decisions that we make at each stage will create the world we live in. Each choice will ultimately impact your world and your reality each day.
It is important through these decision to choose a life you love. A path that brings you happiness. I have come to learn that each moment that I give to my world which is ultimately consumed by my job, is trading money for moments with you. My priorities have changed, as the life I have chosen didn’t take into account the impact that you boys would have on my world. That true happiness would come from you.
I understand now as I sit in another part of the world, that I trade money for these moments with you. I ask myself even now what is my biggest investment in life? The answer is you.
Some days, this life gets in the way. I have to rush around to be out the door, and all I can see is you boys wanting to see me, to talk with me and all I can do is rush. It is not hard to think that we have to readjust our plan to match what we see as our greatest investment in life. This life adds pressure that our furry and feathered family members pay for, as we move through our life at 100 miles an hour because these are the choices I have made.
Live the life you love son, and choose your path.
Learn from what has happened in your life
I find it hard to close this blog, as I find it hard to accept the feelings of what has happened. We have lost a friend, and as I watched the tears run down your face as you tried to come to terms with Mia dying Rakeiora, the immense pain still freezes my body.
Learn from these moments son, life doesn’t give out many second chances.
- Mia, I am sorry that I missed seeing your pain. As I walked past you every day this week, I didn’t say hello, my life got in the way. I will never get those moments back.
- Shyla, I am sorry that I didn’t see the danger that was right next door. As I dealt with the reality that my life had been turned upside down. I forgot to be the person that you need.
- Mama, I love you, I am sorry for every time I haven’t followed up these words with the actions that matter.
- My boys, I love you, I am sorry for every moment that I have not seen you. I will be better.
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